19TH SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME A
THAT SINKING FEELING
Since I can remember,
there has been a plethora of anecdotes about the biblical St. Peter,
mainly focusing on his weakness, his impetuousness, his imprudence.
And who is to blame for this but Peter himself. He mirrors back to us
what is weak, lacking and wrong about our own selves. So at least, we
should also reflect on ourselves too, when we begin to laugh at
Peter's inconsistencies.
In today's gospel (Mt.
14), as soon as Peter sees Jesus walking on the water, he immediately
wants to join him. When Jesus invited him to come forth, Peter's true
colors came out; he did not fully trust the Lord. He began to sink!
There's an English
expression called “the sinking feeling.” It refers to when you
are suddenly, unexplainably, seized by a feeling that something is
wrong, something bad is happening, something is remiss. And then you
feel afraid that you will not be able to manage things. Peter's
actual predicament equals the symbolic meaning of this expression. We
too have sinking feelings because we are overwhelmed by the waves and
winds of this life's oceans that we do not fully trust we can walk on
water with Jesus.
It is a good thing though
that Peter was quick-witted. For immediately, he recovered his
bearings and shouted the most powerful prayer ever: Lord, save me!
Realizing his lack of trust, Peter affirmed his total surrender to
the one who alone can save him.
I remember Brother Sanny,
who was with me on pilgrimage to the same place described in the
gospel, the waters where Jesus walked. When we were there, he
realized that he has been clinging to something of the past,
something that hurt, something that impedes his growth. He has been
carrying a few strands of hair of her daughter who died of leukemia
many years back, a tragedy he could not seem to overcome.
Like Peter, on these
waters, Brother Sanny took the hair from his wallet, and released
them on the lake, surrendering everything finally to the Lord. His
tears that day, were tears of joy and salvation because he learned to
trust that his daughter is in God's hands and his life is precious to
the Lord.
Do you have that “sinking
feeling” about any are of your life? Like Peter and Sanny, why
don't you cry out to the Lord: Lord save me – from depression, from
addiction, from despair, from sickness, from pride and anger... Take
hold of his hand because all he wants you to be is to be a water
skier without the skis. With Jesus we can walk on water, too!